We all know it’s good to give our children choices, but it’s not always appropriate for every situation. Here are our guidelines to giving your child choices.
DOs
DO…Offer choices you are willing to accept. You wouldn’t offer your child cake for dinner if you really don’t want them to have cake, hoping that they’ll choose chicken.
DO…Empower your child with 2 choices.
DO…Give a moment for your child to consider each option.
DO…Follow through with the choice at that moment.
DON’Ts
DON’T …Give choices you are not willing to accept.
DON’T …Give more than 2 choices. It’s just too many options.
DON’T …Go back on your choices or not follow through with it because of a behavior.
Example: John chose to play with trains, but he wanted a specific train and became upset because he couldn’t find it. Do not take the choice of trains away because your child has become upset. Instead, try to figure out what your child specifically wants. If that’s not possible, give them a choice of trains they would like to use and promise to look for the other one later.
DON’T …Give choices when your child is upset.
Example: Julia wants to go get ice cream, but cannot have some and has a fit. Instead of asking her if she wants ice cream or chocolate to calm her down do not offer her anything. You do not want to reinforce this tantrum behavior with a treat. (We will cover this topic more in another article. Stay tuned!)
Choices are not appropriate for every situation. Sometimes there is no choice and we need to teach our children to accept this appropriately. It doesn’t mean that you can’t let them do something fun afterwards. (Example: You have to go to the grocery store with your child and they don’t want to. You can say, “I’m sorry you don’t want to go to the grocery store, but we need to get some food. Otherwise we can’t make a delicious dinner tonight. After we come back from the store why don’t we play a game or color, your choice.”
That last example can be more complicated than we wrote. What if my child has a tantrum in the grocery store, etc? Our next article will talk about how to avoid and handle tantrums in public.
What are your DOs and DON’Ts of giving choices?
Be well,
Mary
For more information on this and other topics visit our website www.collaborativelearningservices.com
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Recently, I was asked for tips on organizing all of the paperwork for a child with special needs. Organization is so important! There are so many different papers, people, and places to juggle, it is imperative you have all of the current information in one place.
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